Proverbs 15:1 teaches that “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

I wonder if anyone else composes speeches in your own minds of the most perfect ways to tell off the people you’re upset with – I know I do! Or do you compose emails using the perfect series of words to communicate your anger at someone for something they’ve done or are not doing?

The wisest thing you can do with that email after you’ve composed it – but BEFORE you send it – is to sleep on it. Then, when you get up the next morning, delete it. Now that it’s out of your system and you’ve had a night to sleep on it and let your anger simmer down, the best action you can take is to delete it.

Or with that perfectly scathing speech you’ve so eloquently prepared in your mind for the next time you see that difficult person – instead of unleashing it on them, share it in confidence with someone you trust who is not a gossip. That way you can get the frustration off your chest without saying something you’ll regret to someone you probably need to maintain a civil relationship with!

As today’s verse reminds us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Proverbs 29:11 also instructs us that “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise person keeps himself under control.”

We rarely regret the angry words we choose NOT to say. The regrets we most often have regarding our angry words applies to the things we DID choose to say that we shouldn’t have.

There is a principle from the world of counseling that comes from a Walt Whitman quote that was recently made popular on the streaming series Ted Lasso. Whitman’s quote was, “Be curious, not judgmental.” The counseling principle is this: instead of being angry, choose to be curious. One of the best questions we can ask when we’re angry about something is this: “Help me understand…?” (and mean it!)

Be curious. There is almost always more going on than we realize. Stay curious and invite understanding instead of getting angry and jumping to conclusions. We can often get to the bottom of a problem much faster through curiosity and asking honest questions rather than when we lose our temper and speak harshly to the person who has angered us. When we react harshly, we do not solve the problem, and we increase the friction with someone we probably need to be able to work with to eventually solve the problem!

Remember that “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise person keeps himself under control.” And “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”