The following is a prayer I wrote in a moment of unique clarity with the Holy Spirit. I had just realized that it takes so much – so much! – for God to really have my full attention. A hundred little things that I’m embarrassed to type out right now (but here goes anyway): the temperature just right; the chair just so comfortable; no distracting sounds around me; no anxious thoughts in my head about work or home or children or finances; the volume of the worship music just so; no flying insects; no strange smells; just the right frame of mind; no outstanding conflicts with anyone; no stirred-up emotions; not sleepy; not thirsty; not thinking about food; no distracting aches or pains anywhere in my body; not concerned about what’s next on the calendar; not having an inane song lyric or commercial jingle stuck in my head; no nagging little chore or task I need to take care of later…
So often, I realized, God is speaking to me! He is doing His part! But because of this list and a thousand other potential distractions (of my own making), I am only actually half-hearing God, or a quarter-hearing God, or a twentieth-hearing of what God is trying to communicate to me. Or worst of all (and sadly quite common is) I just miss what He’s saying altogether.
In this moment of clarity and realization, I scribbled the following prayer to God in my journal:
You have to do so much to get through to me! And yet You still do it. You have to push through so many barriers. And You do it. You have to order so many situations to get me into a place where You can speak to me. And You do it. You push through. You do it. You never stop. You never give up on me.
You never stop trying to reach me. You are so good to me. You love me to the moon! I matter to You, so much. You are so faithfully devoted to me. You go to such great lengths to communicate with me: Through nature. Through songs. Through books. Through scenes in movies.
Through accidents and mishaps. Through lost keys. Through found keys. Through a bug on the window. Through a throwaway comment from an acquaintance in the hallway. Through an aggravation in traffic that made me late. For the thing I heard on the car’s radio because I was delayed in that traffic.
Through a sickness. Through a report of bad news. Through a kind word – one that the person couldn’t have known I needed at that exact moment. For providing the insignificant thing that I had only communicated to You with inaudible heart whispers – that only You knew I wanted.
For healing injuries I caused. For repairing things I broke. For accepting me as I am. For having a plan to transform me into who I can be in You.
No matter how many layers separate me from You, Jesus – You persevere through them all to prove Your inexhaustible love to me, Your unfailing Presence, Your unquenchable desire to have me near, close, and connected to You. You never give up – You never ever ever give up on me.